Church Bulletin Bloopers

“The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. ”

“A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.”

“Thursday night — Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.”

“The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.”

“This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.”

“Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.”

“Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.”

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

“Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”

“Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”

“National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

“At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our bell choir practice.”

“When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.”

“The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.”

” For those who have children and don’t know it, there is a nursery downstairs.”

“This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.”

“The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.”

“The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Omaha Crush!

The Riverfront Wine Festival is now Omaha Crush!

Omaha Crush

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Stinson Park @Aksarben Village

67th and Center Streets

1-5 PM

rain or shine, 21+ event

We’re back for the 6th year…this time under our new name Omaha Crush! Uncork the fun and sample wines from around the world, enjoy culinary delights from Omaha’s finest chefs, all while feasting your eyes on artwork from a handful of local artisans. All tickets are ALL INCLUSIVE, and include:

  • a Riedel glass

  • unlimited samples of wine and craft beer tastings

  • small bites from some of Omaha’s top chefs

  • live music

You must be 21+ with a valid ID to enter. Designated Driver tickets will be available at the door. Outside food or drink is allowed. Dogs on leash are welcome. Only a limited number of tickets (1500 total) will be available.

Attendance benefits Tablets 4 Hope, an organization which gives FREE electronic tablets (iPads) to qualified children on the autism spectrum to help them communicate.

Make plans now to attend the premier wine+art+food festival…Omaha Crush!

Bottle Shock

Bottle Shock is a 2008 movie that tells the story of a 1975 wine competition.  For the first time, the French wine makers were completely dominated by upstart California wineries from Napa Valley.

And by the way, we make some pretty good wine in Nebraska too!

 

Some Inspirational Quotes…

“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them”

Walt Disney

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs

“Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.”

Proverb

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

“Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.”

Swedish Proverb

“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.”

Les Brown

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

Helen Keller

“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.”

Jim Rohn

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

Thomas Jefferson

“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will.”

Vince Lombardi

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”

Theodore Roosevelt

“Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.”

Josh Billings

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Michael Jordan

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

Wayne Gretzky

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”

Bill Cosby

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.”

Seneca

“It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who cannot change.”

Confucius

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.”

Aristotle

“Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.”

Japanese Proverb

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

Napoleon Hill

“Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.”

John Dewey

“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.”

Farrah Gray

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”

Denis Waitley

“Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.”

Proverb

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

Lao Tzu